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Confessions of a Soapbox Messiah
Step unto my pulpit, childrens...
Oh, how I love grey, drizzly, overcast mornings like today. What I don't understand is why it makes me homesick for a place I've lived less than six months. Too much time in the desert for me, kids. Time to get this boy to some cooler, humid climes. Yessir.

Current Location: Toasty Hell

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It's four days later and I'm still in a little bit of shock folks. Seriously. Embarrassingly so. I don't want anyone to think I'm ungrateful or think little of their contributions, because the exact opposite is true. I'm just so flabbergasted and awestruck at the generosity of my friends, I've been almost hanging my head the last few days to hide the blush.

For those unaware, I made a post a while back detailing recent life-altering events. Thank you to all who commented, both publicly and privately. Those events and my resulting mental state being what they were I found myself hopelessly unable to comment at the time. I'm sorry about that. Depression can sometimes get the best of me.

Anyway, point is that life dealt me a crap run of cards the last few weeks and my friends decided (at the request of my lovely redtheda) to help deal me back in so to speak. Being minus one toy bag (and in it the meager collection of toys both myself and amazon_waryr have collected since starting our kinky journey) and very broke to boot, redtheda asked...and my wonderful friends gave in abundance.

I now have a toy bag to be proud of, not only because of the plethora of beautiful shinys that it contains, but because I know where they came from or who made them. I've been shown again that I do have friends who care, that the Universe will provide if need arises and that I should never be too prideful to ask when I need a helping hand or shoulder to cry on. Each item brings a smile to my face, and in some cases a damn wicked grin. Thank you all for the replacements of old toys, new toys and ideas I wouldn't have stumbled upon otherwise and for showing me that this community really does have some fantastic people in it still. You all have my undying gratitude and a spot reserved on my Slap n' Tickle® Dance Card. ;-) Most of all, thank you Jenna for bringing it all together, thinking of it in the first place and the rest of the terrific weekend you gave me. I love you so much, BabyGirl. :-*

Current Mood: grateful grateful

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copied from: http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/TV/06/12/obit.mr.wizard.ap/index.html
LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Don Herbert, who as television's "Mr. Wizard" introduced generations of young viewers to the joys of science, died Tuesday. He was 89.
...
"He really taught kids how to use the thinking skills of a scientist," said former colleague Steve Jacobs. He worked with Herbert on a 1980s show that echoed the original 1950s "Watch Mr. Wizard" series, which became a fond baby boomer memory.


Television lost another great today. Though he's been off my screen for many years, his lessons were always present. Mister Wizard first taught me about Scientific Method. He also taught me how different forms of energy travel through space and matter, how the surface tension of water plays a role in everything you do with it in your daily life, how American space travel works...you name it. Mister Wizard's World (with the help of 3-2-1 Contact of course) gave me a hunger for science that I carry with me to this day. I was 11 years old when he hit the air waves for his second run, and just in time to make me want to be an astronaut (the Space Shuttle program was in full swing by then). The biggest thing Mister Wizard did for me was to give me a hunger for knowledge like no other teacher I'd ever had could. That I should go out and learn about my world and not be afraid of it because even if there wasn't an answer about how something was a certain way I could find one.

Thank you for your lessons old friend. They are not forgotten.

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Crime sucks the Big One, y'all. Excuse me a moment whilst I whine about it.

So last summer, I was shot at repeatedly and forced into a mile-long car chase to evade certain destruction. The Chandler PD was very helpful, coming to my rescue in less than two minutes. I made it out okay, nothing bruised or beaten but my pride and already jaded illusion of safety. I dealt, I felt better, or at least not so violated.

Two months ago I had a gun pulled on me in my apartment complex by some dude who thought I had thrown a rock at his car as I was passing by in the parking lot (it was actually thrown at and bounced off the back of my truck.) I managed to not get shot that night by playing the redneck idiot and commenting on his excellent choice of weaponry.

Two weeks ago I came out to my truck to go to work and found a large rock sitting on my seat, having been thrown through my back window earlier in the morning. 'Well, at least they didn't steal anything,' I think to myself. 'Not much to steal.'

The Phoenix PD wouldn't even take a report over the phone, stating there was no damage more than $500 (yeah, it only cost me two-fifty out of pocket) and no crime against a person, so not really worth their time.

I mean, it's a good thing I didn't leave one of my travel bags in there. You see, I split my time between my wife's apartment and my girlfriend's house about even throughout my week - three nights here, four there sort of thing. So I carry all my toiletries, prescriptions meds and other personal accoutremont with me, along with my laptop, portable documents drive and assorted personal electronics.

That brings us to this afternoon, when I was at my parent's house in Tempe to put salt in their water softener. 20 minutes I was inside. And during that time, all of the afore mentioned items found their way out of my truck, along with my CPAP and my toy bag. All my floggers, crops, paddles, gun belt...gone. All my email, personal and financial info, porn and pics from the last 10 years...gone.

On a brighter note, the Tempe PD took a detailed report, then called me back an hour later. They had found my CPAP and about half my meds where someone had thrown them under a car in a parking lot about a mile from my folk's house. I can sleep tonight, albeit with one eye open.

I'm just so damned tired of it. It makes me want to start carrying again, and not for the right reasons (which is why I'm not.) I hate this fucking city, with its crime and seemingly never ending contemptuous disregard dished out by strangers.

Wah.

Current Mood: cynical cynical

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Arlo was great. It was nice (and sorta weird) having everyone there: Me, my Dad, Jenn, Jenna and her brother Ben, kidlet & parents and Jenna's other boyfriend David. My mother was notably absent for reasons I won't go into here. A fun time was had by all. Arlo and the rest of the Guthrie brood in attendence performed a number of his songs and a few of the rest of the family's as well, including Woody's stuff (and a rare audio treat of Woody telling a story during a live performance, courtesy of the WayBack Machine.)

On less daily news...
That headache I had a couple of weeks ago never really went away. It's gotten worse and better, but continued being a problem (and at the most fun times) leading me to become dependent on Ibuprofen since. I have a doctor's appointment on Monday in which I will be asking for a complete set of X-rays and an MRI. I'm pretty sure at this point that it's muscular-skeletal in nature and not vascular. The pain is very similar to what I felt after my car accident in '99. It's entirely on the right side and gets better or almost goes away after stretching my neck. And it doesn't vary with my pulse at all. So hopefully after some more paper pushing I'll get a decent muscle relaxant and PT instead of 'Sorry, we need to drill into your skull' or something worse.

Jenna and I are getting ready for Toast coming up on Thursday. I can't wait, but then again there's a lot to do in the next few days. So there really won't be much in the way of waiting. :-) So far it's gonna be me and Jenna, David and the Kid. I'm hoping Jenn will go, but we'll just have to wait and see.

Work is good, save for my attendance. I rock. They give me perks and ignore a lot of my attendance issues. It's nice.

Can't think of anything else that won't take hours to write about, so goodnight all.

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Current Location: Jenn's Apartment
Current Mood: calm calm
Current Music: The Smiths - Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want

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...is an evil thing, but is tapping at the window all the same. :-( Time to go to sleep.

feng_huang's surprise party tonight was great. It was nice seeing everyone that made it. And it was really nice seeing a smile that big on his face. :-D

So Bill, just let me know when and we'll wrangle a Dinner & Movie Night with the four of us. I hope you had as much fun as we all did. More than that, I hope you know how much you are loved and appreciated by all of us lucky enough to be in your life. Happy Birthday, man.

That is all.

Current Location: Jenna's House
Current Mood: awake wide-awake
Current Music: Ben Folds - Bitches Ain't Shit

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Nights like tonight remind me how much I miss you. Sometimes it seems I am forgetting, and then I hear a particular melody and it all comes back. What we had and were together, what I thought we were... how your hair smelled as I held you from behind that afternoon by the kitchen sink, the way your eyes looked the first time I said I love you, the sweet taste of your skin and the energy that rolled in waves as we made love well into the morning, the soothing sound of your voice saying everything and nothing, or laughing at my foolishness, the warmth of your body next to mine as we drifted off to sleep hoping to stay like that forever. I almost wish we had.

I wish things hadn't ended as they did, without any real resolution or closure...just leaving and having things never be the same. It seems like forever since we talked. Was it a lifetime ago or yesterday? It all seems the same now that our lives have changed so much. New loves, new hopes, new trials...and life just goes on, as though we never were. I still think about it, our lives and how they were, for a short while, one. I can still feel you, like a ghost I can never really touch but is right there at the tips of my fingers, taunting. I find you drifting through my dreams as though they're a child's sandbox, reminders left to and fro like so many broken and forgotten toys.

But life does go on. Music still plays, lovers still cry, children still laugh and the sun still shines. I hope when it rises this morning it finds you well and happy. When it finds me I know I will be thankful for the lessons, love and heartaches we shared.

...although you said you'd go, Until you did I never thought you would...

Current Mood: content content
Current Music: Don McLean - Vincent

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Anyone in the mood for a schmaltzy inspirational film about Billy Bob Thornton launching himself into space? The Astronaut Farmer opened in theaters three weeks ago with almost no promotion and by the looks of the box office won't be there much longer. What fellow geeks with childhood dreams of being an astronaut want to go see it with me this week?

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Current Mood: geeky geeky
Current Music: Cat Stevens - Katmandu

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'Scuze me whilst I babble. I gotta journal and get something out, so suffer, dear reader. I'm just tired. So tired. I think I actually slept about 2 hours last night. One of those stupid insomnia nights where t never really feels like sleep, just bouts of black filling in the holes between looking at the clock. Other than that part, it was a great night. I miss my Beautiful Girl. :-(

The thing is, I've always despised St. Valentine's Day. I think part of it is hold over from grade school, having been the fat kid that only got Valentines because the girl's moms made them fill one out for every boy in the class. That and the Valentine's Day I gave my crush a porcelain heart in a satin sachet and she returned it to me crushed into little, splintery pieces. This has led me to the present, where I have this constant fear of gift giving, thinking I suck at it and any little thing I do towards that end will be criticized and fall incredibly short. The truth is I hold myself to an impossibly high standard and usually fail by not doing anything or avoiding it till the last minute. Blecch. So hey, always trying, always growing, right?

Jenn is packing, getting ready to leave tomorrow for a week in Oklahoma with her family. I'm glad she's finally able to go. She hasn't been back since Christmas before last, and then she was incredibly sick and stressed out at the time with my mom being in hospital and me staying behind. I'll have to find things around the house to keep busy and from being my usual mopey self while she's gone. Anyone feel like helping a guy out with a night of furniture arranging and unpacking books?

Things are going well all around right now. After a few incredible lows in the last couple of months it's nice to be in a place where everything seems to be settled and positive. Jenn and I are doing well, no real drama or uncomfortableness. We're still trying to find our new place in each other's live, but I'm sure it will be that way for a long while. Having spent more than half our lives together in one particular mode of operation, it can be momentarily difficult to switch to something completely different but retaining the good things at the same time.

Jenna and I are also trying to find balance right now, as seems to be our eternal struggle. Being the people we are and loving the way we do it can be a daunting task. Still being squishy, goofy and sometimes overwhelmingly in love after a year makes it even more so. But it's all good and I think we're making greater strides towards this goal than we ever have. The last week has been wonderful, talking about stuff we haven't in months, connecting and sharing and just getting back to all the reasons we fell in love in the first place.

Work is pretty good. I'm broke as all fuck right now because my job can't seem to make up their mids if they are paying us for sick time right now. But I just switched to another department which has a much more open scope of support and supporting much better hardware. Only drawback was during training the last two weeks I've been on 7am-4pm and it has heavily affected my sleep schedule, as in completely destroying it. I've survived by sleeping 2-3 hours a night, less at times, and then catching up by napping in the afternoon and more on the weekends. Of course right now I feel like a friggin zombie, but I should be fine by Monday or Tuesday. Hopefully Jenna and I will have a relaxing and refreshing weekend.

Overall I feel a lot more relaxed, comfortable and healthy (physically and mentally) than I have in months. There are a lot of things I still want to change and I'm working towards those things again. I just need to start hanging out with my friends more and sharing my life again like I want.

Love & Light,
Brian

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Current Mood: accomplished accomplished
Current Music: Tracy Chapman - Three Little Birds (live)

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Happy Birthday, Mr. Rollins!

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Current Location: Washington, D.C. (in my mind)
Current Mood: awake awake
Current Music: Eric the Pilot - Henry Rollins (spoken word)

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, laserhen!
Have a great day, naughty girl. I hope you're feeling better. Many hugs, kisses and spanks for when you do. :-)

Current Mood: nostalgic sick & sleepy
Current Music: "Weird Al" Yankovic - Happy Birthday!

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I'm dreaming of a white Jeepbear,
Just like the ones we used to know.

White Christmas
from the Christmas Song Generator.

Get your own song :

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the jeepbear last night.

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
from the Christmas Song Generator.

Get your own song :

There won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time,
The greatest gift they'll get this year is jeepbear.

Do They Know It's Christmas
from the Christmas Song Generator.

Get your own song :

and my personal favorite...;-)

Joy to the world,
The jeepbear is come.

Joy To The World
from the Christmas Song Generator.

Get your own song :

On the twelfth day of Christmas, jeepbear sent to me...
Twelve piercings reading
Eleven smithereens spanking
Ten firearms a-flogging
Nine bears cooking
Eight vibrators a-networking
Seven diabetes a-snuggling
Six mp3s a-kissing
Five be-e-e-en folds
Four road trips
Three cat stevens
Two garth brooks
...and a pagan in a bisexuality.
Get your own Twelve Days:

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, briarrose71!


Hope those little monsters don't bug ya too much. :-)
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