Every year since, I forget what day it is, thinking that the First of April is for pranks and merriment like the rest of the world. Then at some point I remember the date, think back a bit and cry. I remember sitting in the waiting room, knowing this wasn't meant to be but hoping against hope that everything would still work out okay, that the doctor was just being overly cautious. Every year it gets a little easier, and every year it gets a little harder. I feel like my life is starting to gain focus and direction again unlike previous years since then. There are so many other things going on in my life right now...a lot good, some great, some sad and heartbreaking. But it doesn't matter, my current state of losses or blessings. April First comes falling out of the sky like a brick. He'd be about two and half now, walking and talking and then some, precocious and smart as hell like his sister with his mother's eyes.
Tags: dreams, fatherhood
Current Location: Guarida del Oso Nuevo
Current Mood: heartbroken
Current Music: Otis Redding - A Change is Gonna Come